Flatnöse Blended Malt The Islay Boys

Review by: TOModera

What was the occasion: I’m a creature that desires order. No, not like a Marut, we’re talking whisky, not DnD today. Other than this joke. Maybe.

No, I’m someone who craves organisation. I’m that guy who complains on your team when someone takes 5 hours to “try shit out” and throws off the timeline. I don’t know what that says about me, and I’m working through what I’ll do about it in real life, and not online.

Until I get those new meds that allow me to embrace the chaotic beauty of the universe, I’m still organising as much of my life as possible. I had a bunch of blends: Thus I’ll review them in an ongoing series all together to see how I feel about blends.

Quick note: I understand that there’s a difference between Blended Malts and Blended Whiskies (malts only have single malt, blended whiskies have single grain blended with malts). A long, long time ago I threw them all under the same header of “blends” and here we are. I did it because I hate you, the person annoyed by this. Yes, you, the person annoyed while reading it, who has enough time and energy to reply with hatred in a comment. I hate you, even though I had no idea this would happen in the future and no way of maliciously hurting you.

What whisky did we review? Flatnöse Blended Malt The Islay Boys is the second release from The Islay Boys. The first is a Blended Scotch, whereas this one is all malt. It’s a special whisky for the Ketill Flatnose and his crew. Or at least that’s what the marketing tells me. In fact Mr. Flatnöse lived in the 9th century, so while I’d love to hear their notes, I doubt they spoke or wrote in a language I could read. Cause they dead.

I say you, they dead.

What’s the distillery? The blender, in this case, is The Islay Boys, who have named their whiskies after viking explorers, as they trace their lineage back to Celtic and Viking explorers. That’s what made them want to start a distillery, taking what they learned back to Islay.

What exactly was that? I have no idea. I’m guessing eclectic flavour combinations and different cultures’ way of making whisky and other alcoholic beverages. I can’t say, this is the first time I’ve encountered “The Islay Boys”. Better watch out for those two weird twins who sing, they may steal your name. And say it 20 times in a song.

What’s my bias? Few biases at play here. First, it’s a blended malt. I like blended malts a bit more than standard blended scotch, as they taste better.

Not really that hard to understand. And this said “Islay Boys” on it, and I’m a peat head, so I buggered myself for that aspect and I accept your judgement. Well, not all of your judgement, some of you need to go touch grass.

Finally I’ve never had a Flatnöse whisky before, so I don’t know what to think about the brand. So let’s see how it tastes, shall we?

Distillery: The Islay Boys.

Bottler: Distillery Bottling.

Region: Blended Malt.

ABV: 46%.

Age: Unknown.

Cask type: Unknown

Price: € 35 (EUR)

Color: 7.5Y 9/6

Nose: Ash, brine, smoke, butterscotch

Some Caol Ila in here, if I had to guess. Smoke and salt, bit of butterscotch around it. Not much else. It’s missing that next step from peated whiskies. Bit of age? Got cocoa. Add a sherry cask? Some sweet with the smoke to balance it, and sweet and salt work lovely.

Instead it’s mostly just smoke and ash. Too bad.

Taste: Brine, vegetal, sugar, shortbread

Sweet now, some earth, and some butter. I certainly don’t mind it, though it raises some questions. Who loved brine this much to make it the center of the whisky? Is it a mix of Island, Old Pulteney, and Caol Ila to really be brine forward? Why not grab a slightly different cask to change things up?

Finish: Brine, smoke, vegetal, mint

Oh, more brine, cool… While I don’t typically let my work intermingle with my writing, I have to say this whisky review reminds me of emailing a belligerent customer/superior who feels they don’t need to waste precious time speaking to the lower workers. You know, when you write 5 questions in an email and get back an email stating you don’t actually need those answers? Like that.

Granted this is a whisky and they are a human being, so I’ll be nicer to the inanimate object that doesn’t understand human decency, versus the pile of human shaped middle manager that should know better.

Why does this exist? Let’s examine.

Conclusion: Very brine forward whisky. Which is very odd. It’s not a flavour I look at and think “this should be the main thing” unless there’s a variety of brine-adjacent flavours.

Which there isn’t. I mean, I didn’t mind sipping on this, and while it’s a mix of salt and earth (with little else), it’s not bad, per say. I wouldn’t be angry about spending the low cost of the bottle

Who should buy this? I think if you’re looking for a whisky that makes an interesting Rusty Nail, this would be that. Maybe if you need a saltier whisky for other cocktails. Or maybe if you like salt, just in general.

Final Score: 57.

Scoring Legend:

  • 95-100: As good as it gets. Jaw-dropping, eye-widening, unforgettable whisky.
  • 90-94: Sublime, a personal favorite in its category.
  • 85-89: Excellent, a standout dram.
  • 80-84: Quite good. Quality stuff.
  • 75-79: Decent whisky worth tasting.
  • 70-74: Meh. It’s definitely drinkable, but it can do better.
  • 60-69: Not so good. I might not turn down a glass if I needed a drink.
  • 50-59: Save it for mixing.
  • 0-49: Blech.

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